


last of the real ones

by tripletmoons



Category: Naruto
Genre: Edo Tensei, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 05:24:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16655026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tripletmoons/pseuds/tripletmoons
Summary: It’s just his luck that whoever revived him lacked the courtesy to summon him onto a nice bloody battlefield. No, instead he’s underground, probably in his own fucking coffin and wearing his own goddamn corpse. He hopes he remembers this when his soul is re-released into the Pure Lands; he’s going to kick Tobirama’s ass for inventing Edo Tensei in the first place.





	last of the real ones

A sword slices through him, carving him open, severing his spine. Kagami hits the earth face-first and bleeds into it. He can hear Danzō weeping as he fades, but he isn’t offered a quicker end, just meaningless babbling he can barely parse. Such a slow, painful way to die. Uchiha Kagami: fertilizer for the Land of Grass, cut down without mercy by a man he called friend. The betrayal hurts worse than the killing blow.

Then Kagami gasps, eyes flying open to a darkness thicker than his Sharingan can pierce. The pain vanishes. No, not _vanishes_. Ghost pain: his body is whole. The hurt was in his head or in the past, not here. Without it, the whisper in the back of his mind, the wrongness of his skin, can be felt. A Shinobi’s first and last weapon is their body, so they must know it intimately; there’s something wrong with his and it isn’t bisection or a severed spine. It's deeper than flesh; soul deep. 

He weasels his hand up to his face - he’s in a tight space, a dark box; he can barely move - and sparks lightning across his skin with a thought. Black veins spider-web out from his major chakra points; his nails are discolored, yellowed, chipped. He can’t see his eyes but he knows that whatever isn’t Sharingan red is ink black.

Not dying, but dead: _Edo Tensei_.

It dawns on him that the only thing a tight, dark box can really be is a coffin. He’s in a fucking coffin. If Kagami wasn’t currently an eerie perversion of death, the hair on the back of his neck would rise. He rears back, slapping a chakra-enhanced palm against the coffin lid, frantic. The polished wood cracks and bows inward, spilling dirt all over his burial whites and into his mouth.

He’s dead so the subsequent choking is psychosomatic but still  _entirely reasonable._

It’s just his luck that whoever revived him lacked the courtesy to summon him onto a nice bloody battlefield. No, instead he’s underground, probably in his own fucking coffin and wearing his own goddamn corpse. He hopes he remembers this when his soul is re-released into the Pure Lands; he’s going to kick Tobirama’s ass for inventing Edo Tensei in the first place.

Kagami pushes himself as far back as he can and brings his hands up. He’s never had any skill with Doton Jutsu, but so help him gods, he knows enough to get himself out of _his buried coffin..._ Maybe.

With a quick prayer, he stiltedly works through a modified set of hand seals that will either free him gloriously or rebury him ingloriously and - keeping his mouth firmly shut just in case - slams his palms against the coffin top.

This time, instead of bowing inwards, the earth behind it blows outwards. Kagami kicks out, sending the coffin lid flying, and hauls his ass out of the ground like it’s on fire.

He expects to see a graveyard, maybe - if Danzō stayed true to being a massive dickhead - a random, unmarked plot of land in Grass Country. Instead, he’s in Naka Shrine, burial place of his _most honored_ Uchiha ancestors. Maybe Danzō mutilated his body so badly post-mortem that his relatives mistook his corpse for someone else’s? That’s really the only explanation for why his Clan buried him _here._

There’s a sound from behind him. It’s likely just his summoner, but the last time he remembers showing someone his back was literally _the last time he_ ever _showed anyone his back._ He whirls around, ceremonial sword sparking with lighting. Maybe he’ll electrocute his summoner a little for reanimating him underground.

But it’s not his summoner. Or rather, it’s not just his summoner.

Hashirama, Hiruzen, some blonde guy, and _Tobirama_ are all staring at him; all four of them just as undead as Kagami. He can't help it, it's Tobirama he focuses on. Tobirama, who, minus the creepy zombie features, looks the same as the day he died, dressed for war in traditional Senju armor. His eyes are those of a man seeing water for the first time after days in a desert. Despite Tobirama’s unparalleled genius for Suiton jutsu, in this metaphor Kagami is the water.

Distantly, it registers that the only reason that three Hokage, possibly four Hokage, would be resurrected is for war or the end times. Kagami’s too busy dropping his sword and going for Tobirama’s throat to really focus on that.

“A coffin.” He hisses - his voice thick from anger not tears, _thanks_ \- wrapping his hands around Tobirama’s neck. “A goddamn coffin _.”_

Tobirama gurgles something that had better be _I love you and am sorry for ever inventing Edo Tensei_ before someone’s hands wrap around Kagami’s waist, pulling him away. He doesn’t let them move him far. As soon as his hands are ripped free, he wraps his legs around Tobirama’s ribs, valiantly attempting to crush them despite the armor in his way.

Someone is shouting at him; it's not Tobirama, Tobirama is just _staring_. Kagami shouts over them. “I ate dirt a second ago, Tobirama! Do you know why?! Rhetorical question. It’s because someone used your zombie Jutsu to shove my soul back into my literal corpse, which was in my coffin! _All of this because you wanted to fight a skeleton war!”_

“Kagami I-.” Tobirama tries. His voice is just like Kagami remembers: low and rumbly. It makes Kagami’s name sound _sinful_. He moves his thighs up Tobirama’s body to his throat, clamping back down. If he hears Tobirama talk he’ll probably kiss him or do something else equally as inadvisable.

“Not only am I dead, you’re also dead. You fucker - you _died-_.”

Hiruzen joins into the fight, wrapping his wizened - gods he got _so old_ \- hands around Kagami’s legs and prying them away.

Tobirama doesn’t have the decency to pretend to be even a little harmed. He follows Kagami’s involuntary retreat, damn near elbowing Hiruzen out of the way to palm Kagami’s face with both hands. “Kagami.” He repeats. “Kagami. Kagami.”

_Gods_. They were probably together in the pure lands, but Kagami doesn’t remember it. All he remembers is living without Tobirama. Raising a child without him. Dying _alone._ Kagami forgot that if he could help it, Tobirama rarely hid his affection. Almost everyone in ANBU knew they were together even if they didn’t _know._ Kagami forgot that.

Kagami makes a last-second attempt to headbutt him, but Tobirama is prepared. He catches Kagami’s lips with his own, gentling his grip and pulling him into kiss. It should be gross. They’re both corpses; _it should be really gross_. But it’s not. The kiss is soft and sweet. Tobirama tastes like fresh-water with an edge of steel.

Kagami hardly notices when he’s released, when his legs make their way back around Tobirama.

He _definitely_ notices when a blast of water nails him in the back of the head, clacking his teeth into Tobirama’s. Well, at least reanimated corpses don’t have functioning pain receptors.

There’s a moment of silence. Then; “Brother, I cannot _believe_ this.”

“ _Hashirama_.” Tobirama growls, and then they get into it. Just like back in the day.

While the Senju brothers are arguing, Kagami looks over at Hiruzen and the blonde guy. Blondie's hands are frozen in the last seal of a Suiton Jutsu, which automatically puts him on Kagami’s shit list. Death must not have dulled his glare because the man jumps behind Hiruzen, attempting to hide. Hiruzen, who was too wrapped up in trying to woo Biwako back in the day to notice anyone else’s romance, doesn’t react; he’s so still he looks frozen. Shock is a terrible look on him. _Just,_ Kagami thinks pettily, _like old age._

“-kiss your old _student!_ The age difference is entirely inappropriate! Even worse is the unbalanced power dynamic!” Hashirama is shouting, waving his arms animatedly. “Not to mention that you were just talking to this nice young Uchiha about the Curse of Hatred, which just makes it worse that you went and macked on Kagami-chan!”

“Wait, hold on.” Kagami raises a hand. “First of all, Hashirama-sama, I was not his student when we started dating. Our relationship was completely above board. Second,” he turns a glare to Tobirama, “Curse of Hatred, _r_ _eally_. How many times have you listened to my theories about the neurology of the Sharingan and the psychological effects of memorizing the battlefields? Curse, hah!”

Before Tobirama can defend himself someone else speaks. They say _Shisui_ , which is enough to turn Kagami’s attention away from Tobirama.

The man - boy, really - who spoke is an Uchiha from Izuna’s line - the main family line - if Kagami’s not mistaken. He has Izuna’s fine-boned features; Madara’s untamable hair. There’s something stricken about his face as he looks at Kagami. “Shisui,” he repeats, “you look like Shisui.”

“You know my grandson!?” Kagami asks, delighted. “I last saw him when he was a babe. How is he? What’s he up to these days?”

He feels Tobirama tense between his legs, but he doesn’t look away from the Uchiha boy’s face. Can’t help but watch the way the his expression tightens. Kagami lived and died a Shinobi; he’s familiar with grief.

“Oh.” Kagami murmurs softly, punched out. He releases Tobirama, landing on his feet. “My grandson, he’s dead?”

“Not just Shisui.” The boy says, face contorting. “All of them were murdered, killed by order of the Hokage. I am the last of the Uchiha Clan.” He gestures at Tobirama. “Your _boyfriend_ was just telling me all about how our Clan’s love is dangerous but our self-destruction useful.”

Kagami whirls. Tobirama - the fastest man alive, or dead as it were - is not quick enough to avoid being slapped in the face.

**Author's Note:**

> In this work, the Uchiha are specially prepared for burial. Their bodies are sealed and whatnot. Uchiha are only burned when it needs to be done quick and so no one can steal the Sharingan- in the field, typically. Danzo is the one that buried Kagami in the Naka Shrine. He basically kept Kagami's corpse in a coffin in a secret base for years, but when all the Uchiha were dead (except for Sasuke and Itachi) he buried Kagami in the shrine. He did this because he is a big fucker with big issues.


End file.
